one christmas...

we misread secret santa to say "secret satan"...

needless to say we were super disappointed.

TEQUILA MOCKINGBIRD

Travis from Gym Class Heroes gave us the invite into the studio where him and this lil white dude are making some "hip pop" tracks. We heard the sad summer jam of 08. We begged them for the whole song but they only gave us a snippet of the chorus. Fuckers.



EDIT: Whilst reading "travies blog" we found out lil white dude's name is Nick Scimeca and hes responsible for the signing of Gym Class Heroes. We back it.

HEAVEN/HELL

HEAVEN: our boy got a new ride. its like the fucking batmobile. seriously, i understand why we bombed the shit out of iraq now- to put gas into shit like this. we heart doing burnouts at 7/11's and drag racing little motherfuckers on their crotch rockets. were pretty sure that if they made knight rider today theyd put this car in it than we would have no excuse when you called us pussies for not banging like a zillion chicks.



HEAVEN: the set of the new panic at the disco video. its like they got super blazed and made a video - seriously, we think thats how it happened.



HELL: we hate christmas. its like the cartel of holidays. it has everything going for it but for some reason it just sucks.`now even the jews are celebrating it. what the fuck. its like the holiday where everyone has to pretend theyre nice even though theyre so shitty deep down inside- and we get punished for having a nasty awesome sense of humor all year. who's fat and old and gives presents to kids who sit on their lap? ding, ding. the only thing we hate more than christmas is nicholas cage movies, brah. if we could trap santa in a bubble like prison like this for all of eternity we would, trust us. were insane.



HEAVEN: you know you thought this dude would make it onto the hell side of things. but he didnt. because he reminds of us of when we were little and had a plan to xerox one dollar bills and be a millionaire but not even work one day- how could we blame him for keeping the dream alive?



HEAVEN: damn, its a japanese restaurant again. how did we beat those motherfuckers in that war? they must have been too polite to kick the shit out of us or something. this specials menu is like as long as our constitution and probably almost as important. they sit this thing right next to your head and explain it a million times so your retarded caucasian ass can almost understand. can you imagine if an american chef actually took pride in their food, i mean except by being an asshole on top chef?

this is the next shit truly.

imagine the dream when your little and a sweet dude rides in on a horse and out of nowhere a unicorn comes in with a hot mermaid on its back. you got a total lego boner and you didnt even know it cause youre into cartoons and other shitty little kid stuff. this is that feeling personified in a band.

we see big things (and shes cute too).

Weefer.

Buy us this $5000 cloud to hang out in. I can only think of a few things to do in this fucking thing. It comes with a fan to blow it up, a pound of weed and a pass to go back to 8th grade so you can have somewhere cool in your moms basement to finger all the cheerleaders in.

round two.

HEAVEN: the carter three. i know we've been saying this for years but wayne is the best wordsmith around. he says shit about being from mars which is crazy. we went to this spot in nyc called evolution where you can dip your hand in a bucket of real human teeth. this record kind of feels like that. he even has his unibrow tattooed, like you shitbeards could even deal with that.



HELL: this is a bottle of amstel light. ignoring the obvious fact that sitting in a car with a beer in your hands is insane. this dude is way big and pretty sweet. then we see him drinking light beer. fucking gay. its like seeing a hot tranny and then catching a glimpse of her nards and twig. if there was a sign that said "i am the worlds biggest pussy" this would be it if it wasnt courtney love's vagina.




HEAVEN: the japanese are so fucking efficient. this icream thingy looks more complicated than the fucking SATS. look at this dessert and then look at your shitty ice cream sundae. you wonder why americans are fat, illiterate retards while japanese people talk all fast and have the best super hero cartoons.



HEAVEN: alright we stole this pic off some livejournal jerk but it looks like the party for the end of the world. and while sometimes he can act like a cheesedick pete is our friend and we like to pretend he is blowing us a kiss here.



HEAVEN: look at these fat fucks. this is awesome. just sit around and fucking eat sticks all day. and those black spots around their eyes are like permanent sunglasses, pretty sweet. we felt better looking at it on the wall while completely annihilated taking a piss at ak47. what a sweet thought moments before we threw up that great japanese dessert in the toilet.

this is gay

but not like homosexual. like fun back in the 1800's. please enjoy.

lets play a game called HEAVEN and HELL.

HEAVEN: ol' boy travie gets down at barneys. he kept calling the cans behind him purplesaurus rex- we think its cos he'd been drinking cough syrup and sprite all day. either way we love it when girls call us "the dudes that are friends with the cupids chokehold guy"- it gets us more poontang than having a goatee in 8th grade.



HELL: sometimes we want to put this sign up at panic at the disco shows. sometimes when you wish hard enough things come true. right now we are wishing your play-doh had poison in it. hurry up and turn 18 get drunk and make some bad decisions with us.



HEAVEN: duh. korean tom cruise makes his triumphant return. isnt this nature in its perfect state- the korean guy yelling at the black dude- "you buy now then get out of my shop, you no good". only in this case its KTC and the black jesus he used to use as a front to sell cigarettes on FOB tour. wow. and check out the decaydance piece. if you thought being friends with trav got you tang, just try this one. money back guarantee.



HEAVEN: dudes dont even front like youve never gotten jealous of those big ass purses bitches carry. now this one is pretty sweet. the greek bromos in YSL had to convince me for like an hour this was a dudes bag. really what do i care- it goes with everything from fake orange tans to super tight white jeans. who cares if its just a M-urse on steroids.



HEAVEN: this is when shit was cool. you cant even get this shit on dvd. one dude works on sprockets and the other in a rock quarry, how fucking amazingly shitty is that? it reminds us of the times when our parents went out and let the tv babysit us. oh sweet nostalgia. pebbles is so banging it like hurts my doodle. note the first time i ever masturbated to a cartoon.

oh and can we start a petition

to get this thing out?

the neonghosts have seen a bunch of this footage and it needs to come out.

lets hear it for SAMS

god if i have to hear one more girl say: "yeah im a singer, actress and a model". im gonna shoot myself in the head. just say you are a waitress or bartender- there is nothing wrong with that. we are NOT going to sleep with you just because you are reading scripts or have demos.

i feel like this turd burgalar.

oh yeah were gonna post a link to some hot shit in the next couple days check back.

which is worse: SAMS or Zac Efron?

nice hat officer (brendon onstage with fall out boy)

will you tell those chicks to shut the fuck up.

i wish i lived inside this video.

it makes my heart and my crotch hurt.

the barefoot pirate.

why did commercials used to be so sweet?

grandmas

While the music industry is doing everything they possibly can to go out of business, can we all make sure to rid ourselves of the Grammys, too? Out of touch old men jacking each other off.
ENOUGH!

Have a nice day.

posted by Trent Reznor at 12:08 PM.

Kuni.

This actor needs to star in and write his own movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GK6JqNEAWM

What The Fuck.

http://www.gibson.com/robotguitar

V is for Vagina Release

Good news

1 on the Billboard INDIE chart.
25 on the Billboard top 200

No Major label budget.
No Major label $300,000 Bus bench/poster/billboard marketing campaign.
No overpriced full page ad in every silly magazine ever printed
No Promotions Dept Payola hand jobs.
No shove it down your throat anything.

just 100% street level, viral, word of mouth support.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

By the way... Some Friends of mine in the Garment industry sent out a flyer advertising the release. They received dozens of Complaints from Mothers who were offended by the word Vagina. Ironic, isn't it? Without a vagina they wouldn't BE mothers.

Maynard Keenan

This is how my mind works.

I find it so interesting that if you are at a festival that Daft Punk is playing and you find yourself watching, lets say...LCD Soundsystem. Amidst the sea of people, you could be standing next to the 50 thousand dollar helment wearing french dudes that you plan to see later that evening..........and you wouldn't even know it. Do you think when they go to get their newspaper out in front of their silver mansion and the neighbor happens to ask what they do for a living that they respond with "around the world" or do they just keep it a secret?

Starbucks gingerbread latte is pretty good.

I find traffic insane. Every person in every fucking car needs to take a look at some Dodge Neon that got rear ended by an H7 Hummer. As soon as you pass the flashing lights you are going 60 again. Stop looking at fender benders, drive your shitty car and get where you need to go.

I also find it funny when there are 19 year old dudes wearing t-shirts with swastika's on them and a 250 LB dude from the hood packing heat rolls into the same room and the "nazi" forgets what he "believes in" all of the sudden.

marc andreesen on why it might be a bad idea to let the tv writers strike

So imagine you're a major media mogul, a captain of the film and television business, a shaper of global culture, one of the anointed few who can green-light major entertainment projects.

You're faced with a massive, once-in-a-lifetime shift in mainstream consumer behavior from traditional mass media, including film and television, to new activities that you do not control: the Internet, social networking, user-generated content, mobile services, video games. It's been snowballing since the mid 90's, for like 12 years -- 12 years of denial and obfuscation -- but it's really rolling fast now.

Many of your current lifeblood properties are not growing anymore or are in outright decline, and you don't own enough of the vital new properties to offset that, nor are you certain how you would make money with the new properties even if you did own them. And the consumers you rely upon for revenue are so frustrated with your company's inability to supply them with what they want, when they want it, that digital piracy of your content has become mainstream and socially acceptable behavior practically overnight, and all of your efforts to stop it seem to only make it worse.

And your company's culture is not prepared to deal with the shift. Your company was founded 50 or 80 or 100 or 150 years ago by different people in a different time, and the overwhelming majority of your people now -- smart and well-meaning managers and bureaucrats, but still managers and bureaucrats -- have to be retrained and reoriented toward entrepreneurial thinking in a viciously dynamic and startlingly fast-changing world not of your, or their, creation.

Is this really the right time to pick a fight with the writers over royalties from DVD and Internet sales, leading to an industry-wide shutdown and massive economic pain for all sides in the world of traditional scripted film and television content?

Really?

If you're a mogul, the key question has to be, what would the founders of my industry have done in this situation? Really, what would they have done? Thomas Edison, Darryl Zanuck, Jack Warner, Irving Thalberg, Adolph Zukor, David Selznick, Louis Mayer, David Sarnoff, Bill Paley, Walt Disney... presented with such a period of profound change and global market expansion, would they have declared war on the writers of all people or blamed Apple of all companies for their problems, or would they be charging ahead and developing new businesses, new forms of entertainment, new markets, and new sources of revenue?

In a nutshell, would they have crawled into a hole of protecting the status quo or would they be forging a new, exciting, optimistic future through force of will and creativity?

Why aren't you doing what they would be doing?

If you, like me, are just a normal and normally happy consumer of TV shows and movies -- at least when you're not equally happily playing video games, surfing the Internet, networking socially, blogging, or kicking it with your IPod -- then one day your grandchildren are likely to ask you, "Hey, old man, I learned in school today that there used to be these companies called 'studios', and they would actually spend tens or hundreds of millions of dollars making scripted entertainment, and you would actually sit still, in a chair, and watch it -- whatever happened to that?"

And you'll get to say, "Well, it's complicated, but let me tell you a little story about the writers' strike of 2007..."

Chris Rock gives the beatdown to rappers

Music kind of sucks. Nobody’s into being a musician. Everybody’s getting their mogul on. You’ve been so infiltrated by this corporate mentality that all the time you’d spend getting great songs together, you’re busy doing nine other things that have nothing to do with art. You know how shitty Stevie Wonder’s songs would have been if he had to run a fuckin’ clothing company and a cologne line?

That’s why rap sucks, for the most part. Not all rap, but as an art form it’s just not at its best moment. Sammy the Bull would have made a shitty album. And I don’t really have a desire to hear Warren Buffett’s album - or the new CD by Paul Allen. That’s what everybody’s aspiring to be.

We live in a weird time. No one knows who’s smart - we just know who makes money. "Hey, somebody invented Viagra! We don’t know their name, but we know Pfizer, because they make the money." That guy made a pill that keeps your dick hard, and nobody knows who the fuck he is. The pharmaceutical companies are like fuckin’ record companies. There’s literally the Bo Diddley of medicine walking around, not getting his royalties. He signed all his fucking pill publishing away.

Wonders & A Fact.

Things I wonder

Who invented 'swear' words or how did they come about? "FUCK, hmmm yeah that sounds like something we should not say"

How did milk become normal to drink? Imagine the very first time it was tried. "I dare you to pull on that thing and drink whatever comes out of it" Seriously.

Does it really make sense the way the voting system is setup? 49% of the US was bummed when the person that won was not who they had voted for. Half of the country lost. Ridiculous.

Nas has a new record coming out entitled "Nigger". What?!

Why cant Jay-Z make anything that sounds anything like the black album? Is it because hes almost 60?

Bonus Fun Fact
McDonalds has its own exclusive flavor of Coke, Diet Coke and Sprite. We swear! Go and test it.

"Thats a shitty thing to say"
That band Coheed and Cambria scared a bunch of college kids when a weird symbol along with a date were spray painted on a campus sidewalk. Horrified students thought it was going to be a shooting at the school but we're relieved when it was revealed to be the bands logo and release date for their new cd. However, we felt the opposite and would rather hear about another shooting than to hear more sped up rush mp3's.

up dawg

we wanted to have a little chat with you about two of our new crushes.
the first is uncrustables finally making a honey and peanutbutter
version. welcome back to 1986, its never felt so good. eat four of
these in a row and then build a house with the bricks you crap out:



the other is the theme song to an AA meeting. our new crush gym class
heroes are remixed by the guys in everytimeidie. i cant tell who
drinks more- but this sounds like glassjaw mashed up with kenna or
something. its pretty sweet and hopefully the dudes in suits dont send
us a cease and desist for putting it up.

etid/gch queeny machine remix: DOWNLOAD

these two crushes are best when not mixed together. we feel like that
may induce feelings of euphoria than vomitting.

get sick motherfuckers.

Props!

- Check this shit out.
Interactive cover of the Sgt. Pepper album.

- Instant hack of the iPhone. Which we're not linking to so you don't hack your shit on accident.
but if you want to get 3rd party apps: in safari, on your iphone go to: jailbreakme.com

- Clapton & his band tear it up!


- We understand that you don't know who we are and we don't know you but lets be honest starting right now. We're stacked with information, leads, leaks, secrets and other greatness for you. We have eyes, ears and hands everywhere. We're here to better your life.

got bitterness?

From And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead's Interscope-hosted blog...

So as has already been announced, ...Trail of Dead has once again made history, this time being the first band to drop Interscope. OK, we're not the first. Actually, Trent Reznor beat us to it. Let's just say we're the first rock band to do so... this year. Ever since label head Jimmy Iovine started dating the lead singer guy of the Pussycat Dolls it became impossible to get him on the phone, so that was a first bad sign. Then their idea of marketing became keeping it a secret that we'd released a record. The industry is in a strange place these days, and the only way they can make money is to sell urban pop music. Which is what I thought we were writing, but apparently I was wrong.

That's not saying the label didn't do great things for us. At the expense of a massive debt to them of half a million dollars, they really helped us to grow. They've taught us about the worthlessness of A&R people, how to yell at idiots running an art department, and how to shake hands with smiling retailers who have no idea who you are. And I love Jimmy Iovine for having worked with John Lennon and Phil Spector on the Rock and Roll sessions. I mean, that was thirty years ago, and the Rock and Roll sessions sound pretty bad over all, and John Lennon is now dead and Phil Spector has murdered people since then, but hey, that was really cool that Jimmy did that, thirty years ago, back then, and dated Stevie Nicks. He's had a great dating record, he just won't have the next TOD record.

two things we usually can't stand are emo and backpack hiphop

but this one came across our desk via the blogsphere. this is all usually pretty silly to us unless it comes to their homoerotic fanfics. but here his Tyga (tiger?) doing the kanye song "big brother" but its "big cousin".

is this the lil' wayne of emo/backpack rap or is this just someones joke? fill us in:

Tyga - Big Cousin

pet peeve of the day: when people leave the turn signal on in the car for like fifteen minutes when they are driving. if its driving us crazy from twenty feet behind you- you must be deaf and blind. and if that is the case we apologize cause its not that fun to make fun of handicapped people- unless its like a fake handicapped person who just is playing it up for the sweet parking spots.

I'm dressed as Santa Clause for Halloween.

How does myspace still exist? The only thing keeping myspace alive these days is free Macy's gift cards and fake porn profiles that your dads co-workers jerk off to because they're convinced it's someone other than a McDonalds Nightshift Manager with a crusty mustache.

Facebook is at least on top of their game. No porn. No spam. Verification via telephone number. Photo tagging. Smart applications...and we even heard its run by a 13 year old or something.

One of best websites on the internet got raided. (Tv-Links.co.uk) The operator was arrested. What a bumout. What am I supposed to do instead of watching reruns of 'are you afraid of the dark' and 'clarissa explains it all'?

I got to play with Microsoft Surface the other day. The only way Microsoft can get away with this...is if the packaging is made of photos of Bill Gates blowing Steve Jobs. Seriously. Oh, It also runs like shit.

dear serato,

whats up homotextuals.

the celebrity dj bubble needs to burst. i get it- we all have a playlist and can hit play while steve aoki slams back and forth for you. lock me up forever if i have to hear mickey avalon mashed with the yeah yeah yeahs again.

id recommend that the next time there is an afterparty for whatever new green vodka that comes out they hire this kid instead:



oh yeah and why does everything from channel 331-336 on my satellite look exactly like the hills? you know like some bronze kid is reading his lines off cue cards. i say we throw them all back in that junior college where they should be.

and speaking of the hills will someone tell that spencer kid to stop gluing his girlfriends pubes on his face, its ruining that one feist song they play every other minute on it.

Welcome.

It is time to be starting the party.