one christmas...

we misread secret santa to say "secret satan"...

needless to say we were super disappointed.

TEQUILA MOCKINGBIRD

Travis from Gym Class Heroes gave us the invite into the studio where him and this lil white dude are making some "hip pop" tracks. We heard the sad summer jam of 08. We begged them for the whole song but they only gave us a snippet of the chorus. Fuckers.



EDIT: Whilst reading "travies blog" we found out lil white dude's name is Nick Scimeca and hes responsible for the signing of Gym Class Heroes. We back it.

HEAVEN/HELL

HEAVEN: our boy got a new ride. its like the fucking batmobile. seriously, i understand why we bombed the shit out of iraq now- to put gas into shit like this. we heart doing burnouts at 7/11's and drag racing little motherfuckers on their crotch rockets. were pretty sure that if they made knight rider today theyd put this car in it than we would have no excuse when you called us pussies for not banging like a zillion chicks.



HEAVEN: the set of the new panic at the disco video. its like they got super blazed and made a video - seriously, we think thats how it happened.



HELL: we hate christmas. its like the cartel of holidays. it has everything going for it but for some reason it just sucks.`now even the jews are celebrating it. what the fuck. its like the holiday where everyone has to pretend theyre nice even though theyre so shitty deep down inside- and we get punished for having a nasty awesome sense of humor all year. who's fat and old and gives presents to kids who sit on their lap? ding, ding. the only thing we hate more than christmas is nicholas cage movies, brah. if we could trap santa in a bubble like prison like this for all of eternity we would, trust us. were insane.



HEAVEN: you know you thought this dude would make it onto the hell side of things. but he didnt. because he reminds of us of when we were little and had a plan to xerox one dollar bills and be a millionaire but not even work one day- how could we blame him for keeping the dream alive?



HEAVEN: damn, its a japanese restaurant again. how did we beat those motherfuckers in that war? they must have been too polite to kick the shit out of us or something. this specials menu is like as long as our constitution and probably almost as important. they sit this thing right next to your head and explain it a million times so your retarded caucasian ass can almost understand. can you imagine if an american chef actually took pride in their food, i mean except by being an asshole on top chef?

this is the next shit truly.

imagine the dream when your little and a sweet dude rides in on a horse and out of nowhere a unicorn comes in with a hot mermaid on its back. you got a total lego boner and you didnt even know it cause youre into cartoons and other shitty little kid stuff. this is that feeling personified in a band.

we see big things (and shes cute too).

Weefer.

Buy us this $5000 cloud to hang out in. I can only think of a few things to do in this fucking thing. It comes with a fan to blow it up, a pound of weed and a pass to go back to 8th grade so you can have somewhere cool in your moms basement to finger all the cheerleaders in.

round two.

HEAVEN: the carter three. i know we've been saying this for years but wayne is the best wordsmith around. he says shit about being from mars which is crazy. we went to this spot in nyc called evolution where you can dip your hand in a bucket of real human teeth. this record kind of feels like that. he even has his unibrow tattooed, like you shitbeards could even deal with that.



HELL: this is a bottle of amstel light. ignoring the obvious fact that sitting in a car with a beer in your hands is insane. this dude is way big and pretty sweet. then we see him drinking light beer. fucking gay. its like seeing a hot tranny and then catching a glimpse of her nards and twig. if there was a sign that said "i am the worlds biggest pussy" this would be it if it wasnt courtney love's vagina.




HEAVEN: the japanese are so fucking efficient. this icream thingy looks more complicated than the fucking SATS. look at this dessert and then look at your shitty ice cream sundae. you wonder why americans are fat, illiterate retards while japanese people talk all fast and have the best super hero cartoons.



HEAVEN: alright we stole this pic off some livejournal jerk but it looks like the party for the end of the world. and while sometimes he can act like a cheesedick pete is our friend and we like to pretend he is blowing us a kiss here.



HEAVEN: look at these fat fucks. this is awesome. just sit around and fucking eat sticks all day. and those black spots around their eyes are like permanent sunglasses, pretty sweet. we felt better looking at it on the wall while completely annihilated taking a piss at ak47. what a sweet thought moments before we threw up that great japanese dessert in the toilet.

this is gay

but not like homosexual. like fun back in the 1800's. please enjoy.

lets play a game called HEAVEN and HELL.

HEAVEN: ol' boy travie gets down at barneys. he kept calling the cans behind him purplesaurus rex- we think its cos he'd been drinking cough syrup and sprite all day. either way we love it when girls call us "the dudes that are friends with the cupids chokehold guy"- it gets us more poontang than having a goatee in 8th grade.



HELL: sometimes we want to put this sign up at panic at the disco shows. sometimes when you wish hard enough things come true. right now we are wishing your play-doh had poison in it. hurry up and turn 18 get drunk and make some bad decisions with us.



HEAVEN: duh. korean tom cruise makes his triumphant return. isnt this nature in its perfect state- the korean guy yelling at the black dude- "you buy now then get out of my shop, you no good". only in this case its KTC and the black jesus he used to use as a front to sell cigarettes on FOB tour. wow. and check out the decaydance piece. if you thought being friends with trav got you tang, just try this one. money back guarantee.



HEAVEN: dudes dont even front like youve never gotten jealous of those big ass purses bitches carry. now this one is pretty sweet. the greek bromos in YSL had to convince me for like an hour this was a dudes bag. really what do i care- it goes with everything from fake orange tans to super tight white jeans. who cares if its just a M-urse on steroids.



HEAVEN: this is when shit was cool. you cant even get this shit on dvd. one dude works on sprockets and the other in a rock quarry, how fucking amazingly shitty is that? it reminds us of the times when our parents went out and let the tv babysit us. oh sweet nostalgia. pebbles is so banging it like hurts my doodle. note the first time i ever masturbated to a cartoon.

oh and can we start a petition

to get this thing out?

the neonghosts have seen a bunch of this footage and it needs to come out.

lets hear it for SAMS

god if i have to hear one more girl say: "yeah im a singer, actress and a model". im gonna shoot myself in the head. just say you are a waitress or bartender- there is nothing wrong with that. we are NOT going to sleep with you just because you are reading scripts or have demos.

i feel like this turd burgalar.

oh yeah were gonna post a link to some hot shit in the next couple days check back.

which is worse: SAMS or Zac Efron?

nice hat officer (brendon onstage with fall out boy)

will you tell those chicks to shut the fuck up.

i wish i lived inside this video.

it makes my heart and my crotch hurt.

the barefoot pirate.

why did commercials used to be so sweet?

grandmas

While the music industry is doing everything they possibly can to go out of business, can we all make sure to rid ourselves of the Grammys, too? Out of touch old men jacking each other off.
ENOUGH!

Have a nice day.

posted by Trent Reznor at 12:08 PM.