HEAVEN: our boy got a new ride. its like the fucking batmobile. seriously, i understand why we bombed the shit out of iraq now- to put gas into shit like this. we heart doing burnouts at 7/11's and drag racing little motherfuckers on their crotch rockets. were pretty sure that if they made knight rider today theyd put this car in it than we would have no excuse when you called us pussies for not banging like a zillion chicks.
HEAVEN: the set of the new panic at the disco video. its like they got super blazed and made a video - seriously, we think thats how it happened.
HELL: we hate christmas. its like the cartel of holidays. it has everything going for it but for some reason it just sucks.`now even the jews are celebrating it. what the fuck. its like the holiday where everyone has to pretend theyre nice even though theyre so shitty deep down inside- and we get punished for having a nasty awesome sense of humor all year. who's fat and old and gives presents to kids who sit on their lap? ding, ding. the only thing we hate more than christmas is nicholas cage movies, brah. if we could trap santa in a bubble like prison like this for all of eternity we would, trust us. were insane.
HEAVEN: you know you thought this dude would make it onto the hell side of things. but he didnt. because he reminds of us of when we were little and had a plan to xerox one dollar bills and be a millionaire but not even work one day- how could we blame him for keeping the dream alive?
HEAVEN: damn, its a japanese restaurant again. how did we beat those motherfuckers in that war? they must have been too polite to kick the shit out of us or something. this specials menu is like as long as our constitution and probably almost as important. they sit this thing right next to your head and explain it a million times so your retarded caucasian ass can almost understand. can you imagine if an american chef actually took pride in their food, i mean except by being an asshole on top chef?
4 comments:
that cartel comment was priceless
i really enjoy this blog
Heaven: this blog
Hell: spending a half hour in line at the grocery store just to get some olive oil. holidays suck.
Zack is my hero. plain and simple. ;)
this car, looks familiar, like it and it's driver was pulled over recently for going over the speed limit, in Beverly Hills that is... tsk tsk Mr. Wentz, they make those laws to protect you... and were you wearing your seatbelt Mr Wentz? just playing. Seriously, how fast could you have been going in Beverly Hills for fucks sake?
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